Are Hipsters even real?

Written by Justin Eulalio

 

“Are hipsters even real anymore? Were they ever real to begin with? Am I real?!?? Is any of this really real…” A Monologue from The Bank of My Internal Thoughts by Justin Eulalio


These pending questions have troubled my head for a good while now. With the term representing too many individuals that do not necessarily subscribe to the blue button-up, khaki, boat shoes getup, does the word “hipster” actually hold weight in 2016? I roamed around the lawn of Pitchfork Music Festival, a place known for being a gathering of so called hipsters, to find out.

Shredded: Are hipsters real??

 

Right: Umm, no.

Middle: No.

Left: NO!!

Middle: No, it’s a figment of our imagination.

Right: Everyone is a fucking hipster.

Middle: They’re passé now.

Right: It doesn't have any meaning!!!

Left: If this was total 2006 then I would have to say yes.
Right: Yes!

Middle: Yes! It’s an outdated term.

 

Shredded: So am I outdated?!

 

Right: I mean you look hip, but I wouldn’t use the term hipster. So I wouldn’t say that you're outdated.

 

Shredded: Considering that Pitchfork is coined by some as the hubbub of hipsters, do none of us exist?

 

Left: Now that is definitely true. None of us exist!
Right: I am not real…

 

Shredded: Are hipsters really real…?

 

[all laugh]

Left: Yes!!

Right: Yes!

Middle: Yes! Yes they are.

 

Shredded: Would you all consider yourselves hipsters?

 

Left: No.

Right: No probably not, but other people would.

Middle: I think I shower too often.

 

Shredded: So you have to not shower to be a hipster?!

 

Middle: I feel like in a way that’s the general stereotype.

Left: It’s pretension. That’s all.

Middle: Yeah.
Right: Yeah, that too. I feel like the word has kind of lost its meaning.

Left: I feel like if I were, I wouldn't admit that I am only here to see Carly Rae Jepsen.

Middle: True!

 

Shredded: If hipsters are here and everyone denies being one, does that mean none of us exist?

 

Right: I feel like it’s gone. I feel like that phrase was relevant like ten years ago. Well not ten, maybe like… five years ago.

 

Shredded: Am I not hip because I am asking about hipsters?

 

Middle: Yes.

Right: Kinda, yeah.

Left: I feel like you’re hip if you don’t acknowledge that you’re hip.

 

Shredded: With that being said, and you denying to be a hipster,  would that mean that you are hipper than most hipsters considering that you have the formula of being a hipster down?

 

Middle: I’m so confused..,

Left: I feel like I am very tipsy and this is really meta right now.

Middle: Too meta for me.
Right: I forgot what the question was.

Shredded: I have to ask you, are hipsters real?

 

Left: Hmm, I don’t know…

 

Shredded: Do you look around and ask, am I real?

 

Left: [laughs] I mean, no. I guess I know that I’m real. I think people are just being people. We dress the way that we do and we listen to the music that we listen to because people around us do the same thing. I sort of think that no matter what label you put on it, it’d be the same either way.

 

Shredded: Do you believe that your daughter will grow up to be considered a hipster?

 

Left: I don’t know. It’s probably too early to tell!

Right: There will be some new word for it.

 

Shredded: And she’ll be the first one coined as that?

 

Right: Ahh, no.

Left: “Kipsters!”

 

Shredded: Being at Pitchfork Fest at under the age of five is pretty ahead of her time…

 

Left: She brought us here!
Right: She bought the tickets.

Shredded: I need you’re help. Are hipsters real?

 

Middle Right: Yeah, I mean they have a different idea of things that are going on. What they see, they perceive a little differently than maybe what the average person might see.

 

Shredded: So you wouldn’t consider yourself a hipster?

 

Middle Right: I mean…

Middle Left: No, not really.

Middle Right: …Not really.

Left: Yeah, I don’t think I would.

Right: When I think hipsters I think of craft brewed beer and big ass beards.

 

Shredded: I love memes.

 

Right: You love… what?

Middle Right: Memes.

Middle Left: Memes!

Right: Memes..? I love memes too.

 

Shredded: I’ve heard that the first step to being a hipster is not admitting that you’re a hipster. Since none of you claim to be hipsters, would you still say that you are separate from the norm-core of what is perceived to be the very foundation of hipster identification?

 

Right: That’s kind of intense…

Middle Left: Are you messing with us?

Middle Right: That is deep. That is really deep! I’d still say that I would be less hip than a hipster.

 

Shredded: Maybe only the hipster of hipsters recognizes that they are cooler than everyone else but just wont admit it.

 

Middle Left: I like that point.
Middle Right: Oh, yeah I like that.

Shredded: Hipsters, are they real..?

 

Left: Like, unfortunately yes.

Right: The thing is, the term “hipster” has been around for ages and it just changes with the cycles.

Middle Left: Yeah, I agree with that.

 

Shredded: Were you as hip as the hipster of nowadays before the cycle changed?

 

Left: I don’t think I’m hip.

Middle Right: Maybe the key to being a hipster is that you don’t think that you’re hip.   

Middle Left: I’ve been hip the whole time.

Right: I haven’t changed since middle school…

 

Shredded: If you were to give a rough percentage of how many hipsters are here, what would that percentage be?

 

Left: I just got here.. but I’d say like, a 99.9%. 

Right: I don’t know, I’d say like a 95%.

 

Shredded: And you’re apart of the 5%?

 

Right: ….Yes?

Left: No you can’t say that! It’s a trick question!

Middle Right: Now you’re going to be a hipster! Ugh!!!

Right: Ughh!! Trick question!

Middle Left: Man, this question is tricky…

 

Shredded: Am I a hipster?

 

Right: Yeah…
Middle Right: You look hipper than I do.

Left: Yeah, you look pretty hip.

 

Shredded: I came right after work.

 

Left: Yup. That’s hip.

Shredded: Are hipsters…real?

 

Right: They are!! It’s very scary. I saw some hipsters. They had a record player with them at a coffee shop with all their records. They had it hooked to a battery and they were playing phonographs.

Left: I have a different opinion. There are no hipsters, only wannabe hipsters.

 

Shredded: People outside of Pitchfork might consider all of us here to be hipsters. You wouldn’t consider yourself one?

 

Left: Fuck no.

Right: Hipsters are all over the place here, man! Look! Those guys right there. They're hipsters!

 

Shredded: Does that mean that everyone here is a wannabe?

 

Left: They might be. I’m not being judgmental. Everyone can be who they want to be and they can have their own image of themselves in their mind. Which, might have nothing to do with reality, but as long as they're having fun I don’t have a problem with it.


 

Shredded: So you’re more of like, a free thinking hipster then?

 

Left: …Yeah.
Right: I’m married to a hipster?!?

 

Contact Justin by email at justin_eulalio_thomas@yahoo.com

Photos courtesy of Justin Eulalio